The Birth of Alaina Jay

Written by: Olivia LaGasse

This story is so emotional for me, in a very good way. I want to share a little bit of history before getting into the amazing birth story. My first husband, only man I had ever been with passed away when I was 9 weeks pregnant with our second son, Kyle Steven, read his birth story here: The Birth of Kyle Steven — Precious 3 Birth Services A few months into his pregnancy I decided that I was going to try dating soon after he was born. I had never dated before in my life after meeting my first husband as a sophomore in high school. A couple weeks after he was born i jumped into the online dating world. It was fine for the most part, it allowed me to talk to men, which I was totally awkward at, and shy, and always found myself stuck talking about Steven. I kept an open mind and stuck it out for 6 months and then some random gentleman sent me a picture of his package and I was done. I was so frustrated with the process of all of it. Making mindless small talk with guys over the internet who did not have the intentions on going out and actually dating and just looking for a hook-up. That was not the type of relationship I was looking for.

I refused to date people that already had kids. I decided after having Kyle that I did not want a blended family and did not think I could ever get to the intimacy level of ever wanting that again with someone. It was hard for me as I always thought I wanted tons of babies, but in that time, I could only see myself loving my boys. Right when I was throwing in the towel on dating, I hired a professional dating service to do my bidding for me, I met my new husband. Quite literally the day after my first date through the dating service, I went on a date with my husband. I left the date with Jason, saw my good friends the next day and told them how amazing it felt to be comfortable around a man. I laughed all night long with him; I did not pull away when he put his arm around me; I was open minded when I saw that he smoked cigarettes.

Things with Jason moved quickly, we dated for about two months before he moved in with us. He met my boys the day after our first date. Everything with him just felt right. I felt like I could trust him. I felt like he was an honest man. Most importantly I saw a good father in him. I felt safe with him. I very quickly knew that if something were to ever happen to me I knew he would always do everything he could to take care of our boys. I started having anxiety. I was so afraid of him leaving me and the boys. I would talk in my sleep and beg him to never leave us. I started having crazy thoughts like if I got pregnant, he could never leave me. I started begging him to have a baby with me. He told me time and again he never wanted kids, never wanted to get married, loves me and the boys, but did not want any more kids. He did not want the boys to think he loved them any less. We got married a year after we started dating and three months later, he adopted the boys. My heart was at ease, and I stopped begging for a baby, but I did start asking him to get a vasectomy to ensure we would not get pregnant. He wanted to take his chances with the universe and keep his man parts intact.

January of 2021, I decided we needed to make a pact to be intimate every day, it helps me sleep and who doesn’t love sex? So, we successfully made it 10 nights. Then we got a puppy. A crazy, wild, full of energy puppy. One week later we found out we were pregnant. I cried. I was so afraid to tell Jason, I knew he did not a baby after all. I was stressed all through dinner I could not eat. I finally got the boys to bed and went downstairs to tell him. I was shaking and said “I need to talk to you, I have something to tell you, I am pregnant. I am so sorry.” His response, “Ok why are you sorry? Why are you crying? It’s ok, we will be fine.” The weight lifted off my chest and I allowed myself to be happy. I was so freaking happy. I was going to have a baby with this incredibly selfless man, who has never loved anyone or anything in his life as much as he loves me and our boys.

The next morning, we told the boys, they were so excited, and Brian immediately started wishing for a baby sister. I talked with Jason about my desire to have a home birth. He knew Kyle’s birth story and all that happened after his birth and was petrified, and basically not on board with the idea. I asked him to trust me and at least let me interview a few midwives. I scheduled a couple of zoom calls, and one in person, the weird times of COVID. Jason said if people were not willing to do in person now, he did not want them present for the birth. So, we continued with the in-person interview with Robin Melkus, and at 6 weeks, we met her, and my husband said, “Well write the lady her check.” Cue the happy, excited tears! Oh my gosh, I was so elated, a home birth was my dream. We got to know and trust Robin over the course of our pregnancy. She was there every step of the way. She helped with our gender reveal, we knew in our hearts we were having a girl, but Jason said he needed to know for sure.

Baby girl was breech through my whole pregnancy, the boys were both head down from our anatomy scans on. So around 29 weeks, I started gently turning her to the head down position. She would stay head down for a day or two and then flip back to breech. I did not want to risk out of my home birth, so I continued to turn her every few days and finally around 35 weeks she stayed! My pregnancy was good overall. I was definitely the most tired of all three of my pregnancies. I had the lowest energy levels, and I had crazy SI joint pain. I went to the chiropractor twice a week to try and manage it. Otherwise I was happy and excited to welcome a baby into our home.

I prepared our sons for her birth by watching Monet Nicole’s birth story films from her website, especially those with siblings in them. Brian was so excited to be there and help. Robin was amazing at including the boys in all of our prenatal appointments. She showed them the needles and medications incase anything happened during her birth because he was afraid of me bleeding too much. She showed them the doppler and let them listen to baby. We had a baby shower because I had gotten rid of most of our baby gear, and definitely did not have any baby girl clothes.

My goal was to make it to 40 weeks with all of my pregnancies, I spoke that mantra to the universe daily. Then once I made it to that point said she could come whenever she wanted. Around 41 weeks, however, I started to worry, my fundal height had not grown since 36 weeks. My belly was the smallest belly of my 3 babies. I was worried she was not growing sufficiently and was starting to feel like I needed to have my baby. Prodromal labor happened for three nights, my contractions were back-to-back lasting a minute, however they were not painful. The day before she was born, I called my birth team because it had been 1.5 hours of contractions, and with the precipitous births of my first two I did not want to risk having an unattended birth. Robin and Monet showed up and everything stopped. I felt terrible for making the drive all the way out to my house, of course they were fine to do so.

I went in for a ultrasound check the next day and met another midwife Shari, and her and Robin agreed my cervix just was not ready to have the baby and I needed to just be patient. Robin told me to trust my body and that I would know, intuitively, when baby was going to come, I disagreed. I had no idea when this baby was coming. I felt like I had no intuition to speak of. I just wanted my baby to be safe and here. So, we went back home and just had a low-key day. I was working on my Birth Becomes You photography certification around 330 when I felt a pop with a small gush of hot fluid. Oh, gosh, I yelled down to Jason that he needed to come upstairs. I told him my water just broke and he immediately got stressed. It was go time. He went upstairs to get me a chuck and put between my legs so that I could walk upstairs without dripping everywhere. Having your water break is quite possibly the weirdest feeling ever, like slowly peeing yourself and not being able to stop it. I texted Robin and Monet to let them know. With Kyle my water broke and he was in my arms an hour and 40 minutes later, I had no idea if this birth would be the same.

I went upstairs and waited for the contractions to begin. They started very slowly, were not long and not painful. Our birth team got here around 500 and I just continued to pace around the house, up and down the stairs slowly, just moving around to see if things would start going. Around 630 pm I decided to make a castor oil shake with 1/2 ounce of oil in a milkshake to see if I could start having contractions. After drinking the shake, I hung out in the hallway chatting with Robin and Monet. I did not want them to have to leave again, I wanted to have my baby. Around 730, I went into my bathroom upstairs, a tiny dark toilet stall suitable for only one person to be in. I sat and I thought about my contractions. I felt my body starting to warm up. I went to the bathroom and soon after I started to have some mild contractions. I was trying to track them without being too overly obsessed. I focused on relaxing and being in tune with my thoughts and my body. By 830 I was having contractions and I decided it was time to get into the birthing pool. Jason put the boys to bed and I got in and settled into the warm water.

Brian got up out of bed about 10 minutes later and came into the room. This was it, our baby was coming I told him. I remember saying Fuck a lot and intermittently hoping that Monet was not getting that on film. Brian and Jason were the most incredible support people. They help my hands, they gave me water, they put a cold washcloth on my back. There was one point during transition I looked up and I could not find Jason, I looked all around the room and I panicked. Of course he was back in two seconds and was just filling my water bottle, I begged him to not leave me, I needed him, I could not give birth alone again. A couple minutes later I felt the urge to push, Robin said I was almost ready and to reach down to feel baby’s head that she was starting to crown. I reached down and felt squishy, slimy, warmth, it was not hard like I was expecting it to be. I looked up and said “No way, that’s not her head!” Jason told me to stop feeling and that I was freaking myself out.

Photograph by: Monet Nicole Births

A minute later, 942, I pushed her head out, said “Ok, her head is out,” and one push later the rest of her was out. I reached down into the water to try and pick her up. She was so tiny, my hands fit all the way around her little rib cage. Her cord was wrapped around her neck and it was short. Robin helped me get her unwrapped and up onto my chest. She cried the tiniest little cry, and then started to turn blue and purple. Robin gave her two rescue breaths and put her back on my chest and we waited a minute, then she turned her upside down to help with the drainage out of her lungs. I remember looking to Jason and he looked like he was going to pass out. I started telling him she was ok. She was ok, she just needs some help clearing the fluid. And she was. I knew that, after seeing how different her and kyle were right after birth I knew our baby girl was ok, but he did not. Once she was pink and alert, Jason went to wake up Kyle. The boys sat around us in the tub just staring at her. Since her cord was so short we decided to have the boys cut it while I was still in the tub. They both snipped it.

We wrapped baby girl up and handed her off to her Daddy, and Momma went and took a quick shower to rinse off. I got in my cozy robe and layed down in my bed. Jason brought Alaina back to me and I just started at her. I was euphoric. I could not take the smile off my face. Brian climbed up in bed with us and Kyle went back to sleep. Robin did the newborn screen and weighed her, a tiny, precious, sweet little 5 pound 8 ounce baby girl. Jason was so anxious and nervous he could not sit down in bed with us, he continued pacing around the room and looking over at us until about 2 in the morning, then he finally laid down and slept.

The next morning was pure bliss, we all, Brian, Kyle, Alaina, Jason and I snuggled in our bed for hours. It was perfect.