And Then There Were Two: Guiliana’s Birth Story
Society puts so much pressure on a mom. Especially when you’re younger. According to everyone else, you “shouldn’t” have a baby until you're married, own a home, finish college, begin a career and don’t forget to be mentally prepared for all of the changes you will experience. For our first child, my partner and I had accomplished “none of the above” which turned out to be fine, but this time around, something inside of me wanted to prove that I could do all of those things even if I had chosen not to before.
We got married a year prior to getting pregnant, I finished college and then my 2nd pregnancy journey began. We started searching for our first home as soon as we found out I was pregnant. I also began searching for jobs (I had recently finished my master’s degree in early childhood education and was subbing daily at a local school district). Overall, my pregnancy was similar to the first time around, I was healthy, no complaints. My due date was September 25, 2015, and in early April we went to a 3D ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby. We had a cupcake filled with pink frosting so our son could bite into it to reveal whether he was having a brother or a sister…. We were so excited to learn that we would soon have our very own princess.
Fast forward to September, time was running out…. I ended up getting a job as a 1st grade teacher, we closed on our first home, my son started preschool and I began coaching his team in soccer. I remember my check up on Friday September 25th, I went in after having a few cramps throughout the day at work. They performed an internal exam and said I was 3 cm dilated. We went out to dinner, and I barely ate, I was feeling nauseous and crampy. That night, I kissed Gabriel and tucked him in knowing that it would be our last night before the baby came. I used an app to track my contractions throughout the night as I tossed and turned. I never even woke my husband up because I didn’t want to believe it was happening- my son had a soccer game in the morning, and I felt terrible missing it.
Around 5 am I woke my husband up- I felt so much pressure and could barely walk. My brother came to stay with Gabriel, and we headed to a birthing center that we had fallen in love with. It was very different than the hospital we had chosen for our first birth. I remember the ride there… it seemed like forever. Once we arrived, I got undressed and crawled into bed. I was in a lot of pain and when I’m sick or in pain, I tend to have panic attacks more often. This has always been one of my triggers. I started to panic even more when she told me I was 9 cm dilated and close to pushing! This wasn't how I had planned it! I just kept thinking there’s no way I can do this naturally. It was too late; they couldn’t give me anything. I cried and panicked and worried probably much more than I should have.
My husband was by my side, my mom came to comfort me as well, but we didn’t allow any other visitors this time around. The staff was so comforting and helpful, they tried everything they could to help me push, I just felt like I couldn't do it. The lights were down, my sound machine was on, but I was too in my head. I started pushing around 9 am and didn’t give birth until 11:14 am. I remember feeling her coming out and I helped pull her onto my chest. I cried immediately; I couldn’t believe that I had accomplished birth naturally. She was full of hair; her body was fuzzy and warm, and we kept the umbilical cord intact for a while as we soaked it all in. Gabriel arrived a few minutes later and we just lied in bed and snuggled. I was up and moving around much more than in the hospital, they had a porch with rocking chairs, and it was like being home. That night Andy and I enjoyed a candle lit steak dinner. We left the next morning before Giuliana was even 24 hours old. I was so excited to arrive home with both of my children next to me.
*I wasn't going to include my postpartum story, but I believe it's important for mama's who may be experiencing the same thing. I breastfed Giuliana exclusively for the first few weeks at home. Unfortunately, I had to return to my new job at week 7, so I tried transitioning her to bottles around week 5. She would not take a bottle. I tried every bottle, every brand, I would leave the room as my husband tried so she wouldn't smell me and sense my presence and we even syringe fed her to get her to eat without me. Breastfeeding was painful. My nipples were always cracked and bleeding, but I thought this was normal and I didn't want to complain.
A friend told me to check with a lactation consultant, so I made the appointment and drove an hour to meet her. She immediately mentioned Giuliana having a lip and tongue tie. I was so upset; I couldn't understand how this was overlooked at all of our appointments. A few days later, Giuliana had her tongue clipped, which was the most heart-breaking thing I have ever witnessed. Nope, it wasn't enough…. the pediatrician sent us back immediately and the ENT refused to do anything further. I searched high and low for a professional who had tons of experience and found someone within an hour’s drive- we got in almost immediately to the well-known pediatric dentist who performed tongue and lip ties with a laser. I could hear her screaming from the waiting room, they wouldn't let me back and I sat and sobbed. When she came out, I put her on my chest, and she began feeding right away. That night, we gave the bottle a try and her lips wrapped around the nipple perfectly…. She started sucking down the formula and we started crying out of pure joy.
If you are wanting to breastfeed and it's more uncomfortable than it should be, don't be afraid to get it checked out. Don't feel like you're failing your baby, some things are beyond your control.
